Shadows of the Damned: Hella Remastered | Xbox Review

I miss the Xbox 360/PS3 era of games. During that time, developers weren’t afraid to take risks with a larger budget. Also, games weren’t considered a failure if they were linear and didn’t take dozens of hours to complete. One such game I remembered very fondly was Shadows of the Damned. It was deliciously weird in a very Suda 51 kind of way. Thankfully, Grasshopper Manufacture is doing their part to keep games like that alive. Hella Remastered won’t blow you away in terms of current graphical fidelity, but it’s polished enough to recommend. Whether or not you’ll appreciate the crass humor and absurdity of the game will be up to your own personal taste. Myself? I love it.

Hope You Like Dick Jokes

You play as Garcia “F****ing” Hotspur, which might be the coolest protagonist name in decades. The game opens with his girlfriend, Paula, being dragged to the Underworld by a multi-faced demon named Fleming. Garcia accepts Fleming’s invitation to his tower to witness her final demise, but our hero has other plans. You won’t be going on this adventure alone, however, as you’re accompanied by a floating skull by the name of Johnson. That name alone should give you a small hint of the type of content you’ll experience for the rest of the game. Johnson acts not only as your companion, but also as your torch and primary weapon. He transforms into your Boner (I tried to tell you), which is your handgun. Along the way, you’ll upgrade Johnson into other available weapons like a machine gun and a shotgun, each with their own special perks and upgrades.

Be warned that the humor present in this game is very sophomoric. Every chance they get, our two heroes crack penis-themed jokes. It feels like a game that would be difficult to bring to the table as a new IP in today’s politically correct environment. But for me, it never crossed the line into being unfunny. It comes close, but considering the game is only about twelve hours long, the comedy doesn’t overstay its welcome. Plus, it’s a ton of fun to play.

The weirdness doesn’t stop with the phallic humor, however. You unlock doors by shoving strawberries, brains, or eyeballs into the mouths of baby faces. To get rid of damaging darkness that envelops certain areas, you shoot glowing goat heads on the walls. At one point, I was tossing bombs into a massive Plinko-esque machine to destroy barriers blocking my path. I can’t make this stuff up. It’s a weird game, but I found myself laughing at each oddity I encountered.

Kick Some Demon Ass!

The gameplay consists of third-person combat, kind of like a poor man’s Gears of War with no cover mechanic. Each weapon feels impactful, and the enemies react to your shots in a way that make you feel like you’re doing real damage. If you happen to land a head shot before a body shot, you’re rewarded with a quick, zoomed-in animation and an insta-kill. It’s very satisfying and a novel way to strategize taking out enemies.

There are also increasingly-challenging enemy types to contend with. Some require certain weapons to take down, so you’re not simply headshotting everything that comes at you. For instance, one armored enemy requires you to land a charged shot on their bodies, which then must be shot to do explosive damage. Another has to be lured to crashing into a wall to expose weak points. It simply never gets old blasting away at demons.

The bosses are also quite a bit of fun, but not just with the unique ways to take them down. Leading up to each big bad, you’re treated to a storybook tale about their past. It’s quite interesting to learn what turned seemingly normal people into the monstrosities that you inevitable face off against. Sure, you’ll find yourself blasting glowy bits at times, but the way to expose those weak points is genuinely interesting each time.

There’s quite a bit of variety to the gameplay as well. There are some light puzzles to solve, and even a side-scrolling shooter section reminiscent of games like R-Type. It all keeps you from being bored, despite the absolute craziness taking place.

Shadows of the Damned: Hella Remastered Final Verdict

Shadows of the Damned: Hella Remastered is a solid remake of a game I consider to be highly underrated from 2011. It comes across like a super weird Robert Rodriguez movie in video game form, and I’m so glad it’s been brought to modern consoles. It’s been quite a while since I played the original, but from what I remember, the controls in the remaster are much smoother. If you had told me that this game was made today, I would have believed you (outside of the content, of course). Unless you’re easily offended, don’t sit on this one. It’s wild, weird, and so much fun to play.

To hear me talk more about Shadows of the Damned: Hella Remastered, be sure to listen to our November 7, 2024 podcast episode around the 57:44 time stamp.

This review is based on a purchased Xbox copy of Shadows of the Damned: Hella Remastered. It is also available on PlayStation, Nintendo Switch, and PC via Steam.