Crime Scene Cleaner | PC Review

So, I play a lot of weird games. Sitting sims, clickers, strange idles, but I have tried to steer clear of games like PowerWash Simulator and Lawn Mowing Simulator because I already spend too much time playing Farm Simulator. Crime Scene Cleaner is developed by President Studio and published by President Studio and PlayWay S.A. When I saw this morbid creation I knew I was gonna have to play it, but fall in love I did not expect to do. I walked into this game with an idea that, yes, this is gruesome, but you can do some silly antics while cleaning up which could break up the normal gameplay. A combination of dry humor, hidden memes, rubber ducks, and environmental storytelling really makes this stand out. But, is it good enough to sweep you off your feet?

Mop.

You play as Mr. Kovalsky, a janitor by day and father by night. Your wife, Helen, died a few years ago and you’ve been doing the best you can to get by, but when your daughter, Elena, gets sick and needs special treatments, bills start piling up. The game starts with a call from Tyler, the son of a deceased friend named Paul. You look out for Tyler and help him out where you can and with this phone call being some of the worst trouble he has ever been in, you decide to help clean up his mess. Tyler’s mess however, has connections to Big Jim, the leader of the friendly neighborhood mob. Big Jim likes your work and “convinces” you to clean up after a few of his messes. Thus, starts your life of crime that you constantly give yourself hell for every time you talk to your dog, Dexter.

Cleaning might be in the name, but cleaning is only part of your job. You are a father first. Everything you do is to pay for your daughter’s treatments. So as you clean up scenes, you are on the lookout for things you can sell to make some extra cash on the side. Some pickups might be as simple as a hundred dollar bill laying on the floor or as complicated as finding a key in a secret room that needed another key so you could steal Egyptian artifacts. Either way, it pays to explore the levels and to play around with things even if they don’t need to be cleaned. 

The levels themselves are well thought out and look good graphically. Some levels have a path you need to take in order to open a slight shortcut; others are completely open and the best course is to just start cleaning. While the reason you are there never changes, the levels and experience dramatically changes level to level. Even your house changes level to level with small cutscenes showing him working on projects to improve the home. The storytelling throughout the levels is a great touch too. Not only is the story written in blood, but it seems like everything you touch, Mr. Kovalsky has something to input. Maybe it’s an explanation on how the person died, maybe it’s a joke or maybe even an apology. The lines never feel out of place and bring a human element to an otherwise quiet genre.

Bucket.

As you complete levels and earn money, the money directly becomes experience points. Enough experience points and you earn skill points. You can spend skill points to upgrade your tools and make cleaning easier. The tools have different uses and different upgrades. The mop is great for flat surfaces, while the sponge is delicate and can clean surfaces without breaking what’s on them. Both the mop and sponge require the bucket to clean themselves. If the mop and sponge go too long without cleaning during use, you will leave streaks of blood rather than cleaning.

The bucket is a fun and slightly frustrating tool. It has to be filled and carried to your work area. Along the way if you bump something too hard, the bucket can spill and you will have to refill it. If you spill the bucket while it’s full of blood, you make a mess. Setting your bucket down and forgetting it could lead to you cleaning up another mess because you kicked it while working. I may have kicked one or two buckets. The first time I laughed, but the second one I had just finished a big room and had done everything I could to be careful, and then I backed into it and just rolled my eyes.  An alternative is using the power washer. It can be a great tool because it cleans well and can’t be spilled, but it destroys anything fragile and needs to be refilled often. Included in your tools are other non-cleaning tools such as lights, a ladder, a hatchet, and an ozonator. These items have their uses and can be very useful when trying to find all the blood or reach it. 

Scrub Daddy?

There are so many things that I want to talk about, but I don’t want to ruin the first time experience of this game. Walk into it as blind as possible and look through everything. Sometimes I was shocked, others I couldn’t help but laugh. I have about 33 hours in this game and the levels can take an hour plus to finish. My longest one was two and a half hours. The game saves your exact location and progress when you quit, so don’t feel obligated to finish in one sitting. 

I highly recommend this even if it’s not one of your regular games. Crime Scene Cleaner kept me smiling and entertained even when I didn’t want to be. Between the atmosphere, Mr. Kovalskys’ lines, and things you find, it was a great ride and I can not wait until they add more to this surprisingly great game.

P.S. WATCH FOR MANNEQUINS!

To hear me talk more about Crime Scene Cleaner, be sure to listen to the September 12th, 2024 episode of The Gaming Outsider Podcast.

This review is based on a purchased PC copy of Crime Scene Cleaner. As of this writing, it is exclusive to that platform.